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The Journey Begins

I have always struggled with my self image. Ever since I was little ,there was a tone in my life that was set to say that I was chubby. I was chubby, my weight would be a battle for the rest of my life, and if I wasn't careful I would have many problems health wise for my adult life. 

When I went to Asia, I was larger than I was used to. I had gained a lot of weight in college and I was not able to find a way to lose it. I hated working out, I would try to eat healthy, but failed. I was self conscious of my body all the time, and I was generally unhappy mentally. As I lived in Thailand, I was able to lose the weight. I walked everywhere, I worked out almost daily, but most importantly, I was happy. 

Feb 2015                              Nov 2015                         March 2016

Finally, I was able to look as good on the outside as I felt on the inside. It was like my mental health was the final straw that helped the weight melt off me (no pun intended since we were constantly sweating the Thai heat). Even while traveling around with my best friend, I lost weight. While in Australia, I was the healthiest I had ever been. 

But as most things, that only lasted a little while. I came home in September of 2016. I felt amazing, I looked good, I started a new relationship, and I was overall happy. Then time past and my happiness in the states declined. I felt lost. I felt like I didn't know what I wanted in my life. I found comfort in food. I was a notorious emotional eater, and it only got worse the longer I was home. I was unhappy at my job, working long hours and making little money. I changed my career path, but had no idea how to go about making it work in my favor. The more I ate, the worse I felt causing me to eat more. 

I gained 30 pounds in 2 years. Currently I am the heaviest I have ever been in my entire life, and while I have amazing things to be grateful for, I am also the unhappiest I have ever been. I cannot seem to break this funk that I am in. I have tried a lot. I work out more (mind you I have SO much more to do in that area), I am working in a field that I love, and I went back to school. I have no reason to be this sad.

What I'm Reading

September 2016                                                 January 2018

Today is June 7, 2018. Today is the day that I commit to making a change. I am horrible at accountability, but I think maybe if I blog about my journey I can be better at making this happen. I am tired of feeling miserable. I am tired of being this large and unhealthy. I am tired of feeling pathetic and sad. 

I read the book The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod. I want my level 10 life. I want to feel lighter and happier. 

So here is my commitment: 

I will wake up at 6:15am every day. 

I will meditate for 10 minutes every morning. 

I will say daily affirmations for 2 minutes. 

I will add to my level 10 vision board for 10 minutes. 

I will workout for at least 30 min every morning (walking, running, etc;)

I will read for 20 minutes (self help & fiction)

I will journal (or bullet journal) for 20 minutes.

I will lift weights at TEAM (lifetime fitness workout) 2-3 times per week. 

I will be more positive.

I will find more jobs as a freelancer and research and apply. 

I just have to remember that I am in the process of becoming the best version of myself.